The hardest part of being a Seasonnaire
The hardest part of it all is actually when you decide to give it all up.
You come home, back to reality and you’re faced with the hard truth that the world kept on spinning and people carried on with their lives without you. Obviously things don’t stay the same forever, inevitably things will change, yet you can’t shake the feeling like you’ve been left behind. You have to find a way to slot back into a life that you don’t feel part of anymore. A life that was so easy and natural for you before. You expected the adjustment would be tough but you didn’t anticipate how lost and alone you would actually feel. You find yourself comparing things to season life. A life where the people were different and free-spirited, attitudes were different, priorities were different. A different world. You start to second guess how much you actually have in common with the people from your old life, before. They don’t understand, they could never understand.
You know that there's friends from season who you felt more connected with than half of your friends from home who have known you for as long as you can remember, and you acknowledge the fact that you might not ever see them again because you're not going back anymore, you're not part of that season world anymore. You'll cherish those memories that you have with them knowing that that's all they are now. Figments of your past, a better, happier time.
Yet we carry on, we consolidate ourselves and begin rebuilding our old life in a new way. You try to hold back always mentioning it and continuously bringing up the differences in your worlds. It’s almost like you divide yourself in two. Whilst you’re away you become a different version of yourself, you have your heart in two places and that’s a hard thing to get over. When you’re there a small part of you will always miss home, and when you’re home a part of you will always miss being away. It’s inevitable and unavoidable, but you have to do what’s right for you, and sometimes you just have to move on.